Blog makeover

I got an email this week from the blogger team offering me sweet new templates for the taking (I assume many of you got the same email). I was already thinking of making my blog shiny and new since it's been pretty much the same old blog since 2004 and who needs that kind of boring sameness, right? Therefore, I was ecstatic about the new templates.

Now, after hours of trying just about every combination possible, I hope you like what I picked to be the new public face for all my inner-most thoughts. And in keeping with the random wandering of said inner thoughts, don't be surprised if my blog layout changes frequently because they have some really really awesome templates!

Bonsai failure

You may remember that I was attempting at one point to grow a bonsai tree so that I can be fAsian (fake Asian), 'cause all the cool people are doing it. If all had gone as planned, I would have two adorable little trees right now that look something like this:



Instead, I have something that looks like this:

(wah wah wah waaaaah)


Not pictured is any sort of growth. Where did I go wrong? I can't tell if this is fate attempting to kindly remind me that I'm not a cool old Japanese man like Mister Miyagi, or if I just didn't follow the instructions properly. Whatever the reason, I figure that after carefully watering lumps of peat moss for two months with no sign of life, it's time to give up. So, I have three tiny seeds left for me to prove that I am one with friggin' nature, gosh darnit.

Cross your fingers, say a prayer to Demeter for me, and wish me luck!

Kiss me, I think there's maybe some Irish somewhere in there.

Okay, so that phrase doesn't look nearly as good on a button as plain old "kiss me, I'm Irish" but I felt I should be completely honest. I'm not 100% sure of any Irish heritage, but I like to think I've got some blarney in me. So here's wishing you all a happy St. Paddy's Day! Go out and have a rollicking good time - without getting into trouble, that is.

Awesomeness

Have you ever been playing a game and thought, "This would make a really sweet movie?" While sadly this has for the most part been proven wrong (how on earth did they mess up Mario?), I submit to you this video as proof that there could one day be a video-game-to-movie experience that actually works.



The dancing. The Japanese rap. The guys dressed as skeletons. It is so good.

Something I don't understand

My mind plays a very strange trick on me that's getting more and more noticeable every year. When I watch a movie or TV show (something I rarely do) and the main characters are in their early-to-mid 30s they seem so young and vibrant. It seems like the prime of life! But whenever I tell people my age (which is not yet in the early-to-midarly 30s range) I suddenly feel haggard, hoary* and hag-like (alliteration - get on that train!). Especially when said people are like 23 and I realize that they were still in middle school my freshman year of college. When I tell them my age they get this look on their faces as though all of the sudden wrinkles are going to explode forth from my face to smother them in ancientness.

Look out! It's old age and it's coming to get us!!

I know logically in a tiny part of my brain that I am a spring chicken; a wealth of youth and vigor or something. I'm not even as old as those people in movies/TV who are depicted as being the *it* age. So how can I overcome this worry and paranoia that makes me want to be a cliche and start lying about my age?

*Okay, this is not normally a word I use but thesaurus.com promised me it was legit.

Blog envy

Okay, so not only do I frequently suffer from deep insecurities about not being funny at all when I read other people's blogs (why are you pity laughing??), but now I'm finding all these blogs that have existed far less time than mine has and they all have book deals! How do I get on that money train?

Granted, they are all VERY hilarious and they all cover topics a little more broad than mine, but surely the world needs to know of my zany adventures? Also, I don't swear NEARLY as much as these other guys do, so I'm safe for kids! Okay, maybe the world doesn't care, but I wants me some money. So, if anyone out there is reading this that has an in with a publisher, get me a book deal and I'll make it worth your while. I give a mean head scratch!

(here are a few blogs who know the right people and crack me up. warning! some of the posts are not suitable for all audiences - view at your own risk! for more blog-to-book stories, read here)

passive agressive notes (a site that locates and posts the silly notes we leave when angry)

stuff white people like (a site that makes me laugh and feel bad about myself at the same time)

regretsy (a site that mocks the crazy things sold in etsy shops. employs occasional foul language and also displays some pictures with nudity)

f u penguin (a site that tries unsuccessfully to mock adorable animals. also, sadly, uses the F word a lot - hence, the title)