More than I can chew - or plant

Recently my mom and I were in a Barnes & Noble attempting to use up an ancient gift card she'd had floating around for ages. As we approached the check out counter we were faced with that little rotating rack that is designed specifically for people just like me, who are unable to resist ridiculous tchotchkes like the teeny tiny tea set or the cute little zen garden. But the one that caught my eye this day was the mini bonsai kit - I *had* to have it, and my mother, like any good enabler, kindly purchased it for me. Naturally, being that it was in the last minute rack at a chain book store, I assumed that this kit would be like every Americanized version of ancient Asian art forms: there would be some fast growing tree that would be fun for a month and then die; completely missing the point of the art. As you can guess, this is not what I found. Otherwise, why would I write a post? Come on, guys. Get with it.

I opened the box and was somewhat dismayed to find an entire book of instruction inside. Granted it's a 1"x 0.5" book, but still it has actual chapters instructing a would-be bonsai master on the ancient history of tiny trees, the spiritual meaning thereof, and the proper way to shape your tree... once it has grown.

If you guessed by the ominous ellipses that the growing part of this mild amusement of mine is ridiculously complicated, then you win the prize! I don't know what I was expecting to find, but five tree seeds and a detailed description of the treatment they require was not it. Before I can even think about taking my tiny scissors to my tiny tree there's about a year of carefully monitored growing that it must do. And before it can grow, there's a complicated sprouting process that potential trees must complete. Then, to make me feel even more tense about the process, it seems I'm supposed to sprout all five seeds and cull the weak ones - because nothing makes a sprout want to grow like watching all its siblings be murdered.

I have to admit that after being intimidated by the idea that in shaping this tree I will be basically shaping my SOUL, and also after learning that this isn't just a month or so of entertainment but an actual lifetime commitment, I'm tempted to just throw all the seeds out in my parents' back yard (run free, little seeds!) and buy a plastic bonsai tree that requires no more care than an occasional dusting. However, I've decided that I'm going to give this my best. No more buying plants that will live even if I don't put them in "dappled" sunlight or mist them on a bi-weekly basis. I'm diving into the world of green thumbery. And also, there will be no culling because I'm too weak for that. Whichever of these seeds actually sprout will be given love and life.

On that note, guess who will be getting tiny trees for birthdays? You're welcome, family.