Guys - don't worry. We haven't starved to death. Thanks to Jack-in-the-Box and my dad's excellent grilling skillz, we're making it work. I wish I could say my employer, who for confidentiality purposes I will call Shmirect TV, was as put together as we Mom-less folks are. Due to repeated system crashes (known to customers as "totally scheduled upgrades, we promise we didn't break down"), I am so freaking bored at work. Consequently, I've been thinking of weird stuff.
Or something.
Except not white men, because they suck. Take, for example, the lucious ladies of To Wong Foo. On the one hand we have Patrick Swayze, and on the other is Wesley Snipes.
You tell me who is the prettier man. Here are a few others for your consideration.
What, you ask, is occupying my brilliant mind? Get ready: it's drag queens. THAT'S RIGHT! I've become increasingly intrigued by these masters, or rather mistresses of marvelous - purveyors of pizazz, architects of allure, begetters of bewitchment, and rulers of razzle-dazzle (guess who likes the thesaurus). This fascination was started by Hollywood with such fabulous films as To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar and Kinky Boots. Having to sit all day staring at my empty computer screen has given me time to reflect on the brave men who have "way too much fashion sense for one gender," and this reflection has fomented two main thoughts: 1) why is cross-dressing so weird anyway, and 2) why are white men such ugly women?
There was once a time where all men wore heels, silk stockings, and fantastic wigs
To be without a ginormous wig, lead-based face paint (no wonder the nobles were all so crazy), and the perfect high heels would have been just gauche. There are even songs all about it in such musicals as The Scarlet Pimpernel where the main character explains that just as male animals fancify themselves, so should men. Somehow, as time went on women took on more of the burden of grooming, and all men were left with was to maybe use hair gel and shave the beard. Clearly this is against nature and transvestites, rather than being unnatural, are simply gussying up like God intended.
Or something.
Except not white men, because they suck. Take, for example, the lucious ladies of To Wong Foo. On the one hand we have Patrick Swayze, and on the other is Wesley Snipes.
You tell me who is the prettier man. Here are a few others for your consideration.
vs.
Despite all my pondering, this remains a mystery. Clearly, white men are just too ugly to be women, even if I don't know why.
So my friends, while this may have been really weird, that's what the "system upgrades" at Shmirect TV have brought upon you. Pray that our system starts feeling better before my brain gets even more twisted!
5 comments:
While I'm glad to see some level of foppery dissipate over the years, those giant hats with extravagant feathers would be welcome to make a comeback.
I think about drag queens all the time too! Mainly Pamela Anderson.
You've hit upon a terrible cultural shift where women must do all the grooming.
Example, me in the morning: shower, dry and curl hair, apply makeup, perhaps iron my clothes, etc.
Spouse in the morning: "Honey, I just shaved off my hair because combing it seemed to much of a pain today.
We as women should take back the power--let the men preen. Bring on the dirty sweat pants!
I prefer the androgynous "Pat's" of this world to the transvestite. Much more humorous and "charismatic". (If you ever have seen "It's Pat" you'll understand.)
-Lisa
The Foppery! The Foppery!
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