Makeover

Both my blog and myself received a makeover this week. Yes, inspired by the pretty updates to other blogs I read (including my sister's amazing changes) I decided to change mine. Anyone reading this better pretend it looks awesome because it took me FOREVER using MS Paint to make that stupid header. Also I put some pictures of me to make everyone think I look good, along with that one of me reading to little bunnies because it always cracks me up. Yeah, I'm pretty vain.

As for me, I got blondified. Since my hair refuses to go dark brown, I finally went back to my standard hi-lights, because heaven FORBID I go au natural!

I'm weak, it's true.

Well today I went and saw Twilight. I've been on the fence about the potential for this movie to be any good, so when my cuz invited me to go watch it with her, I resoundingly said "Um, okay I guess!" (Incidentally, do you ever use words like "resoundingly" and then get nervous that you don't really know what they mean? Maybe Twilight and its ilk really *are* sucking away IQ points....)

First, let me say that I really did enjoy the original Twilight book. I know, I should be banned from the intellectual world. But I must confess, people can say what they want about how poorly written those books are; they drew me in and I just couldn't stop reading! The first book was all fun and heart-fluttering romance, with just a hint of danger. Maybe Stephenie Meyer isn't the best writer ever, but she did perfect the formula for luring in single hopeless romantics (and ridiculously hormonal teenage girls). Despite my sister's best attempts to convince me that the story is in fact about a 100 year old pedophile who creepily stalks a 17 year old because her BLOOD smells good (not to mention Kristina P's hilarious summary and Edward post), I refused to listen . I mean, there's a downside to every story, right? Why dwell?

However, despite my fondness for the book, I was rational enough to feel that a movie wasn't the best of ideas (although it made for hilarious spoof trailers). Not only would it introduce this hysteria-inducing series to a whole new crowd - those unwilling to read - but how could what I loved about the books translate to film? Sadly, I was right. It didn't translate well.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the movie (mostly because we were laughing at all the "serious" moments that were actually just silly). But not only did the movie get it ALL WRONG (the vampires were like Edward Scissorhands, all wax and no emotion; Bella was a whining, twitching, bad-acting twit; all the flirting and cute getting-to-know-you convos were removed so that Edward and Bella went from zero to co-dependent like that *snaps*), it also made all that my sister mocked about the book come to life. Suddenly the idea of a man being so smitten that he constantly observes/follows a girl doesn't seem as romantic when seen on the big screen. Watching Robert Pattinson (Edward) stare intensely down at Kristen Stewart's (Bella) half-dressed form - half-dressed because she was asleep and he was just CHILLING in her ROOM - opened my eyes to the fact that he's simply a Creepy Creeperson stalker. Being cute doesn't give you leave to sneak into strange girls' rooms, young man!

So just like that, with one fell swoop (or rather 2 eternally long hours) my fondness for Twilight has been swept away. I can confidently say that if I never read the books again, I'll die a happy woman.

PS There was one clever writer who actually felt that the movie was better than the book. In fact, his/her "28 Reasons that 'Twilight' the Movie Is Better Than 'Twilight' the Book" is downright hilarious. Check it out, but watch out for pop-ups! Not only does it point out all the silliest parts of the movie (but in a way that makes them funny, not annoying) it also served to open my eyes further to the fact that the book really wasn't very good. Go figure.

Your selected reading is:

This week's quotation comes from Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett, one of my very favoritist British authors. This book is about the police force in a made-up satirical city, which means that it's a detective book. If you hadn't realized yet (based on the fact that a majority of my quotes are from detective books) I really really enjoy mysteries, crime solving, and seeing the bad guys get what's coming to them.

Anyway, the passage:

Vimes pounded through the fog after the fleeing figure. It wasn't quite so fast as him, but whenever he came close to it some muffled pedestrian got in the way, or a cart pulled out of a cross-street. (This always happens in any police chase anywhere. A heavily laden lorry will always pull out of a side alley in front of the pursuit. If vehicles aren't involved, then it'll be a man with a rack of garments. Or two men with a large sheet of glass. There's probably some kind of secret society behind all this.)

This is actually true of non-police pursuits as well. Whenever I'm in a hurry to go get some item people always meander into my path as though they couldn't see me barreling in a direct line straight toward something. If it isn't people then items will somehow magically appear on the floor to trip me. I think Mr. Pratchett is correct, there's some kind of secret society in the works!

More happy funtime links!

These is my webcomics that I follow as faithfully as I can.

Thinkin' Lincoln - this stars the disembodied heads of such famous people as Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Queen Elizabeth II, and Darwin. Lincoln is pretty random and crazy and the others try to reason with him in his silliness. Except GW, cause he's a butt (not literally).

Terror Island - this stars game pieces from various games such as chess, Monopoly, Tiddlywinks, etc. It's about two roommates who have run out of groceries and go to extreme lengths to try and get the other one to shop for more. SO FUNNY.

FOMS - this seems to be about two rocks. I haven't gotten very far, but it was created by one of the authors of Terror Island and has his same zany humor.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal - these are all random single frame comics that are 89% hilarious (today's might be a little blasphemous).

I think my brother David should be an online comic writer. He created a pretty sweet series for Facebook that was one part laugh-out-loud awesomeness, one part randomness, and one part existential. Okay, I don't really know what existential means, but I loved the comic. I wish you could all see it, but I can't find the album anymore on the FB so you can't. Oh well.

My one complaint with all these awesome timewasters - I mean comic strips - is that the authors (who are all ever so modest) keep posting links to *more* funny strips. Some of these guys have been writing since 2003! It's making me want to create a time device to send a message to myself 10 years ago that lists all the comic strips to look out for. I guess that's how things get invented though, right? What do you want to bet Edison only invented the light bulb because he was really clumsy and kept knocking his candles over?

Quantum of Solace

Even a quantum of the delectable Daniel Craig is good enough for me. I just watched the newest Bond, and I loved it! I think my favorite professional review is this one, which sums up most of my concerns and also delights. You should read it, because as I learned from my aforementioned writing gig I'm not that great of a reviewist. More of a summarist. Who likes to make up words. Blarglegrist.

Anyway, while Casino Royale was A+++ AWESOME (and my favorite Bond movie), Quantum of Solace just gets a B in my book. CR had a satisfactory mix of action, topless Daniel Craig, little bit of lovin', and some good old emotional crises. QOS is supposed to finish that story off, and it did okaaaay... but it's as though the directors (different guys from the other one) were afraid that too much emotional drama would be girly. So everytime Bond got close to showing his human side they'd throw in an action scene. The problems with these scenes were that they were Bourne style (i.e. nausea inducing choppiness and camera shaking) and no one ever seemed to get hurt. Oh yeah, they'd die, but they didn't feel pain. Even that emotion would be too girly! There was also an extreme deficiency of shirtless Daniel Craig. Tsk tsk.

On the other hand, I was glad for the wrap up of the Vesper Lynd drama. Craig handled what emotional scenes they allowed him brilliantly. I also really liked the villain who was not grossly disfigured, who wasn't a professional fighter, and who (when finally forced into fighting) screamed like a girl. He was normal! I mean, supervillains get stereotyped way too much, man. Let's end these prejudices.

My final opinion about QOS? I will watch it at least once more in the theater if I can, and it's on my shopping list when it finally comes out on video. Hooray for Bond!

My heart is pitter-pattering

I'd like to thank Kristina (of Pulsipher Predilections fame) for giving my ticker a good ol' jolt when it needed to be calming down for sleepy time. Thanks to her mouth-watering post about Christian Bale I'm wide awake at 2am. Fortunately, I don't have work tomorrow or there'd be words to be had! But Christian is one of those gorgeous men for whom I've wasted time, money and brain cells, and so I wanted to write a bit about him.

I started writing a summary of all the movies I've watched just for him, but then I realized how pathetic and single it makes me look. So I'll just point out the most ridiculous of the bunch: hands down, Reign of Fire.

This is a movie about dragons who apparently eat ash (wtf?) and so want to burn the entire world. Then somehow after they've burned and eaten everything they don't die of starvation, they just go to sleep until some unsuspecting construction worker's son (Christian Bale's younger self) wakes them up. Yeah, it makes absolutely no sense but I love it for two reasons:

1) Matthew McConaughey is in it as a bald creepy weirdo (apparently from Kentucky, go figure). At the end he makes this heroic leap toward the main dragon with only an axe and his insane eyes to defend himself... and just gets chomped. He doesn't even dent the monster. It's awesome!!!
2) Christian Bale is so so pretty. I wish I could say that he plays some moving role or something, but really it's that I love his face.

Once upon a time I owned this movie, but someone borrowed it and kept it (she probably also worships at the altar of Bale). Despite its ridiculosity, I have plans to buy it again and I watch it whenever it comes on TV. Now tell me, all you who are supposed Christian Bale fans, can you say the same? I believe I win this round of devotion.

I also feel obligated to note that what got my heart beating a little faster was remembering his role as Demetrius in A Midsummer Night's Dream. His interpretation of a certain scene wherein he makes some theoretical comments to a girl who is chasing him... oh man, there goes my heart again. Let's just say that Christian can back me up against a wall and threaten to steal my virtue any time!

Finally, if you're reading Kristina, I stole one of those pictures you posted and it's currently my desktop decoration. Yummy yummy Christian....

The book speaks

Okay, that was a lame way to say "book selection," but I was trying to be different. Suck it up.

This week's is from a Rex Stout/Nero Wolfe book. I'm not sure exactly which one; Mr. Stout was pretty prolific. I wrote the quote down almost as soon as I read it because it captured the essence of one of my most favorite literary detectives ever: Archie Goodwin. He's smart, sassy, devilishly handsome (just check out that picture on the wikipedia page), and a ladies' man. How could you not love a guy like that? This is what he told his boss when asked why he wanted to leave and fight in WWII:

I wish to take an ocean trip. I want to get a look at a German. I would like to catch one, if it can be done without much risk, and pinch him and make some remarks to him. I have thought up a crushing remark to make to a German and would like to use it.

What a fabulous smart ass. If they were ever to make a *successful* movie or TV show based on the Nero Wolfe stories, I think Matt Keeslar would be the perfect Archie.

That is all.

Politickin'

Being that this is a more *serious* post (said with a stern frown), there will be no links in it. Just in case you were wondering, since I am the queen of linkage.

Anyway, I felt that I should express my feeling about this most recent presidential election, since it has been such a hot one what with anti-republican sentiment, the whole economical sitch, Obama being black (*gasp!*), Palin being both a woman (*double gasp!*) and a former beauty pageant contestant, etc. First I'll say that I didn't vote. I haven't been able to bring myself to vote yet since I haven't ever been motivated by enough a) belief in one candidate or b) hatred for one candidate. Now I know this is a cardinal sin for many people, but I respect your desire/right *to* vote, so please respect mine to not vote.

Anyway, I felt equally unsure about both candidates, who had lots of neat promises and interesting things to say. In the time that I've been old enough to pay attention to politics, I've noticed that politicians say whatever the hell they want without a lot of meaning behind the words, and they all make neat promises and say interesting things. The phrases "No new taxes," "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," and "Weapons of mass destruction!" all come to mind.

So in the end I'm hopeful about Obama, but pessimistically so. It would be nice if he could deliver what he's promised, but I'm not holding my breath. I kind of think either candidate could have won and we'd be about the same four years from now, and 100 years from now no one would even care.

There you have it. Feel free to judge me, just please be kind when you slaughter me!

Quick disclaimer

I'm feeling a tad nervous, because I was just visiting Ms. LeGuin's website and on the FAQ page she tells people who are requesting permission to quote her works to contact her publishers. I'm pretty sure only two people read this blog, but in case someone else is reading and is upset that I've quoted your books without permission, I'd like to say for the record that I make no claim of authorship to any book I quote. I've fully referenced each quote and I can only hope that will keep me from being accused of plagiarism or something. Don't be mad at me!!!

Book time

Sadly, I'm still on the same book (The Dispossessed, Ursula LeGuin). Gone are the days when I found my books so engrossing that I read while eating, walking, "listening" in class, and even in the bathtub. I hope to find that passion again, but for now reading is slow. Anyway, here's the passage for this week:

What drives people crazy is trying to live outside reality. Reality is terrible. It can kill you. Given time, it certainly will kill you. The reality is pain, but it's the lies, the evasions of reality that drive you crazy. It's the lies that make you want to kill yourself.

I thought this was interesting, especially given my inclination to escape reality through the lies of TV and books - including the fictional book that tells me to *avoid* fiction. Oh the paradox... brain melting... can't stand the pressure... must... watch... TV....